请大神帮忙评价一下我这首英文诗歌.

I awakened this morning,
lost something precious.
Opened the window to feel life,
velvet sunshine casting over earth,
with enchanting,warming,and beloving wind.
you,are that eternal light.
i went out side at twilight,
looked at the charming sky.
feeled the wonderful sunray,
reminding your face in my mind.
touching,the sun with golden smile,
listening to the bird's quiet song.
再问： 第一段第五句那个with可不可以去掉，因为第一段的每句开头是一句i love you。谢谢你的指导
再答： 噢．．．．．．
再问： 也就是可以咯
再答： 嗯。。。